Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
