All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we're making bets on your personal life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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