so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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