I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
