theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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