Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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