Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize