I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
