There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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