You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
