i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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