i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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