i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
