I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
