you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
