He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
