dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize