While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
