pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
