I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
