Well apparently he's into motor boating.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
