my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
