She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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