I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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