god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
