so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize