so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
