we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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