Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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