someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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