You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
