Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
