You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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