I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
