i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
