Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize