Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Damn victory sex feels great
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
