At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize