I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
