We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
