Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
