This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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