It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
