"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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