If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
