Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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