How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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