I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
