oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Boobs are out for the taking
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
