he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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