I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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