It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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