***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
