I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
