every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
