I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
