That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
