i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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