Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think your dad took our porno
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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