I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
