Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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