fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
