I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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