The best revenge is premature balding
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
