But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
