I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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