would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
