You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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