so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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