he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
